The Cutlery Cases
Did the Dish Run Away? Or was it Kidnapped?
The little dog couldn’t stop laughing. I’m glad he thought this whole situation was funny, but I’d worked too many cutlery cases to see the humor in any of it.
“Are you done?”
The little dog smiled and stifled a few more giggles.
“So, you’re telling me the saucer ran away with the fork?”
“No, no! The dish ran away with the spoon!”
The dish?
I dropped my coffee cup. In slow motion, it shattered into a million tiny pieces on the floor. It was so obvious. How had I not seen it before? All of these cutlery cases were connected!
It had been the dish the whole time. How could I have been so blind?
I meant to run back to the chief inspector to report to him that I’d just broken the case wide open, but instead I tripped over my shattered mug.
As I tried to get up, the little dog stood over me menacingly.
He had stopped laughing now. “Oh no, detective. You’re not going anywhere, I’m afraid.”
“What the fairy tale does is this: it accustoms [the child] … that these shapeless enemies have enemies in the knights of God, that there is something in the universe more mystical than darkness, and stronger than strong fear.”
⁃ G.K. Chesterton
In the tradition of The Princess’ Bride comes Joe the Fourth and the King’s Crown!
This adorable book was my favorite read-aloud with my sons last year.
To Whom It May Concern (and to those it does not but who are nosy and are going to read this anyway),
I see you have made the wise decision of purchasing my book (either that or you’ve stolen it, in which case please put it back, as it is not nice to steal).
In the following pages, you will find the happenings of a boy previously known as Joe the Fourth.
I have written this account because there have been many false stories circling as of late about exciting and oftentimes outrageous events that supposedly happened in this young boy’s life. Having known Joe the Fourth for a very long time, I can safely say that these stories are not true. Joe’s life was much more exciting than these tales have made out.
To set the record straight, I have lent my services as one of Joe’s oldest and most trusted friends. May these words be used to clear up any confusion surrounding this boy’s life, as well as for the entertainment purposes of anyone wishing to read a grand and adventurous tale.
Please enjoy with my most grateful pleasure,
Prof. William E. Hereunder
I do enjoy your nursery rhyme rewrites. Any chance you could have a whole mystery novel with Mother Goose characters?
Our experience is that the dish and spoon are both victims of offspring eating cereal in their room.